I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
