don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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