my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You ruined the universe
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
