I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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