You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
