Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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