No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
