I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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