and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
