When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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