Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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