why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
