Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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