I hate your face
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
