# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
