Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
