there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
