I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
