Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize