we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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