at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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