yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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