So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.