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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Which ones?

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Midnight walks are trippy

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.

  (801): View more from Utah

  alright see you in the morning.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.

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• (707): View more from California

  Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity 

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just vodka nap now...

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• (713): View more from Texas

  MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.

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