your room smells of hookers.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
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At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.