it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
