If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
