i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.