He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?