i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?