your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21