I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.