Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
