doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY