He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
We don't watch enough power rangers
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.