apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
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It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis