My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.