his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize