i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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