the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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