just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
