Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
