Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
