Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
a search helicopter?!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
