There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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