Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
