You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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