1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
