Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
