I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
