I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
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I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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