I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
