You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
