My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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