Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
