I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Drake has all the answers
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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