i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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