bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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