i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
