my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
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.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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