I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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