how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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