How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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