Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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