Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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