Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
