so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
