So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
