Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
