get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
