lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
