i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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