If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
