I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize