i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
