I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
