haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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