you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
