Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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