He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Barsexuality is the new black.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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