woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
