I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
