mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
