I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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