No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
