her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
