Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
