Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
