Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
